Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
