captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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