Plan B is the new Plan A
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
