I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
