the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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