Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
