its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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