This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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