She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
