broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
