Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
