Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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