Kiss
Puke
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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