I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
In America we eat man semen.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
