I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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