dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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