My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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