Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
