its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
