google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
