well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
