Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
