You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
