oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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