Please, let me fuck your mom
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
