we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
