My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
