She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
