READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
