I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
In other news, I just burned my penis
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
