There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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