I think i sorta joined a cult last night
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
