i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
That's intense
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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