He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
