OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
