i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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