i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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