I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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