i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
