Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You're a waste of cheezeits
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
