Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
