Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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