I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
