Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i've created a new STD.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
