I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
