i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
