If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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