those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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