cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
