she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
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